Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
