Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
