she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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