Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Don't EVER smell your tampon
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
