the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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