PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
