I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
