my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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