Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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