My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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