he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
