i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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