1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
