3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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