I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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