I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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