he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
