I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
