i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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