can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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