I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
