like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
