It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
