i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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