The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
