I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
