I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
