I haven't been this sober since birth.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
