I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
