totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I AM VODKA MAN
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
