Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
