I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
