i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
