Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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