i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
