Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
