I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Everything about him screamed your future.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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