i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
