and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he was CRYING into my vagina
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
