Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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