Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
