my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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