You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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