So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
