oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
