Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I faked an abortion last night.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
