We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
