I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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