The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
