yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Actions speak louder than pants.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
