i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize