You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
