I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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