Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize