Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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