I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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