This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
