perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
