even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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