Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
