ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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