If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
