Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
