i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
