somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
