I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
