Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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