what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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