dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
