he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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