I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
