i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
