You're so nebulous sometimes
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
