I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
